The Ass-End Brewery & Tea House or AEBTH, henceforth:
In the strange, death-world meat sphere that is the Palace/Prison/Tomb of Buadak Sayung, there exists a friendly public house in the style of a Bavarian bauernhaus. The AEBTH floats sixty feet off the floor and looks like someone took two buildings and glued them together by their foundations, in the sort of way that left and right are clearly defined, but up and down are open to interpretation. Gravity still works though; the pub floats because magic and if you go far enough down you'll be walking on the ceiling. The AEBTH also has a lovely open air dining area on the top floor, excellent for takeoff if you fly and drinking tea if you don't.
The Staff
Gisdi is an imp and also the owner/operator of the AEBTH. He came to the Tomb when a Buadak with more desperation and mana than skill summoned and subsequently failed to contain Gisdi. Recognizing the resources available in the Tomb, Gisdi brought in a good friend as a business partner and now runs a very successful interdimensional hangout with his small staff. Gisdi has a braided beard, speaks the way you'd expect a lumberjack to speak, and has a sapphire tooth because he likes the way the blue contrasts with his red skin when he smiles. He does all the preparation for the tea and many of the tea services, and he genuinely likes all of his staff the way a father might. Lastly, he's a 9th level barbarian and has a macahuitl hanging above the bar that he knows how to use well.
Eight-Three is an iron golem that acts as the bartender, and it has no personality. It isn't quippy, it's not sardonically dry, it isn't entirely clear if it is capable of speech. It just mixes drinks decently.
Genvissa is the bouncer of the AEBTH and is also an erinyes. She's a friend of Gisdi's from back when they both lived in hell. She's a leather-clad bad bitch, but secretly is super tsundere. She likes to hang around with Gisdi because she thinks he's just adorable, with the little beard and everything. In a platonic but probably condescending way. She's a 7th level bard.
Buadanina is a latina cyborg from the future that works here as a waitress. She is a Buadak and will therefore likely be trapped in this tombworld made from the corpses of, fundamentally, herself until she dies, but she's making the most of it. She is currently sleeping with Buadak A4872, but she secretly has a big ol' crush on Genvissa and doesn't really think of this thing with A4872 as a long-term deal. She has a laser cannon for an arm! It deals 4d8 damage because it's a laser cannon. She has no levels.
Buadak A4872 is an escaped mental ward prisoner and he works in the AEBTH as a waiter, currently. One of A4872's issues that was frequently discussed in group sessions was his rampant narcissism. Unrelated, his love for Buadanina is totally real and not in any way connected to the idea that she is him in some cosmic way. Buadak A4872 is from an apocalypse reality and he really enjoys doing tea services. He has no levels.
Who's in the Bar Tonight? Roll three times
1-4 | 1d8 imps, off duty
5-8 | 3d6 imps and 1 chain devil, here for a stag party
9-12 | 1d2 retriever constructs, here to pick up a delivery like interdimensional DoorDash
13-16 | A balor picking a fight with a pit fiend
17-20 | 1d4 8th level necromancers, having a tea service on the terrace
21-24 | A djinn noble and 1d4 large air elemental bodyguards
25-28 | 1d4 fae tourists, loudly proclaiming how much they loathe the place while also clearly enjoying themselves
29-32 | A kolyarut inevitable and two zelekhut inevitable, all bounty hunters here looking for someone
33-36 | 1d6 bearded devils, here for a work party - Dafe just got landed a huge account!
37-40 | 1d3 ice devils, off duty
41-44 | 1d6 psychopomps, off duty after a long eternity of shepherding the dead to their final resting places
45-48 | A single planetar, clearly in the wrong place and wondering how much smiting it needs to do
49-52 | 1d3 rakshasas, enjoying rare steaks and tea
53-56 | 1d6 medusae, here to get drunk
57-60 | 3d4 mephits, any mephits, you choose the type
61-64 | 1d4 buadaks, probably intimidated by the other patrons but ordering food anyway
65-68 | An awakened gelatinous cube, looking to meet people
69-72 | An adult red dragon, you choose if they're polymorphed into human form or not
73-76 | 1d3 liches, they don't need to drink but they still like the smell
77-80 | 1d4 noble salamanders, a bit bored but here to see what the fuss is about
81-84 | 1d8 satyrs, hitting on attractive people
85-88 | 1d2 androsphinxes and 1d2 gynosphinxes, maybe a date? Maybe a double date? Maybe a FRIENDS situation?
89-92 | 1d6 vampires, here because of the quantity of blood present in the offerings of the AEBTH
93-96 | 1d2 vampires and 1d10 vampire spawn, here to show off how popular they are
97-100 | A nightwalker, all it does is stand around menacingly
What's on Tap?
For teas, on offer are: Red Ceylon Blend (courtesy of Bhel Grove Hag Community), 3rd Flush Abyssal Darjeeling, and a Phosphorescent Gunpowder Blend.
For other drinks: Bhel Mead, Blood Wine, a Glyph-Anise Absinthe made by the Grove Community, Sweet Bourbon (imported), and the feeling of Despair.
For foods: Fresh Steak (made to order), Meat Stew, Gluten-free Bone Dumplings, and Gluten-free Bonemeal Loaves.
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